They say getting married is supposed to be one of the
happiest and most important times of your life. You spend countless hours and
even more countless amounts of money planning a day that will be deemed
“perfect” by family and friends and talked about for years to come. You have to
have the perfect dress, find the right flowers just the right height so people
can see one another across the table, ask the right number of bridesmaids to be
in your wedding as not to offend anyone and invite just the right amount of
people to fill up the perfect venue you spent months researching. Don’t forget
the chair covers, aisle runner, flower girls dresses, aunt from Toogaloo and
her hotel, rental car, tux and shoes, hair style and make up. Whew… no
pressure. You will also get tons of
advice from those around you as to how to make sure this day goes off without a
hitch. People will tell you how and where to live, what to say and what not to
say and even when and if you and your spouse should have a baby. The one thing
people seem to keep to themselves is the amount of hard work that will begin
the moment you step foot off of the air plane after the honeymoon.
Two different people that have lived the greater part of
their adult lives living their own life are taken from single hood and instantly thrust into a life that is
lived in constant companionship. The expectation to live a life of peace,
happiness and love is at an all time high and the pressure to get it right is
even higher. Not to mention all of the stories you hear about those around you
marrying their “best friend”, all of the great sex you will have because you
are newlyweds and the endless conversations each set of parents are having
about when and how many grandchildren you should be preparing to have. You get
home from the honeymoon waiting for the overwhelming feeling of bliss and
happiness and then all of a sudden the reality of what you have just committed
to sets in. You got married. You have given up life as you know it and pledged
to live your life for someone else. The dreams you once had for yourself can
greatly be impacted by the decisions and dreams of the person now forgetting to
squeeze the toothpaste from the bottom of the tube sitting in the next room.
The ability to live a life without being questioned about your where abouts are
not over. Everything from the pillow on your bed to your hard earned 401K are not
joined with another human being and you willingly made this commitment. What
were you thinking?
One of the main reasons we decided to start the He Said She
Said movement was because for many newly married couples, it feels like what
you are going through as you move through the ebbs and flows of starting a life
with another adult, you feel like you are the only one going through it so it
all feel wrong. In actuality that arguing and fighting you do when first
starting out is perfectly normal; once you realize that the majority of your arguments and disagreements are simply a matter of the differences in which males and females see the world. Now I am not advocating violence and fighting
in any way, (if you are in an abusive relationship of any kind please get help and get out), but to have disagreements and times when you can’t seem to find
common ground is a normal part of the process. The key to getting through it,
is finding couples you can trust to be honest with and talk through what is
happening together. Talking through your expectations, limits and triggers. It
is so much more than a fancy day with a perfect dress and flowers; the true
marriage begins the moment the honeymoon ends. If you are not ready to roll up
your sleeves and dive head first into the work, marriage might not be for you.
